the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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