You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
