you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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