I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She announced her abortion via fbk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
