thus making me awesome and them whores
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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