I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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