Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
