I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
