too bad you live with your parents still
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
