I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
