I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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