ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
