worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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