new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
