Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
