soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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