I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
