READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
