i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
