Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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