the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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