Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
