my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
