trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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