woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
