I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
