I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
