fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
birth control should be required to get into college
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
