The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
