oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
