we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
