Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
