the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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