Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
