Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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