On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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