yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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