Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
