Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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