Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
