Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
