So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
