I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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