Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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