hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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