i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
