my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
