i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
