i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
