I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
