i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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