So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
