took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
