Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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