Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
